HELLO AGAIN E V E R Y B O D Y!!!
It is now APRIL the month of FOOLS. Did you know the FOOL is the very first card in the Major Arcana of Tarot decks? It signifies innocence and limitless potential. Don’t you wish you were a fool? I do.
LETS ANSWER SOME KWESCHINS
Q: Himbeau, have you seen the KFC commercial where the scary people dunk a guy into a lake and he comes out as a giant drumstick? What if the chicken is people, like Soylent Green???
Wow what a great question, anonymous READER
I had NOT seen this commercial and I looked it up. YOU’RE RIGHT! Those are some scary people. I have not seen the movie MIDSOMMAR but this is pretty much what I imagine it being like so I will never watch it.
I’m PRETTY sure the chicken is not people. I have eaten a lot of chicken now and I think I probably would have died from kuru if the chicken was people. Do you know what that is? There are these crazy proteins inside of you called prions and they will basically transform your existing proteins into bad proteins. They are kinda like sinbeau! You keep him around long enough and you start acting like him and it ruins everything!
Sinbeau says: HEY!
It’s true! well prions cause kuru. It’s like mad cow disease for people. I guess you can only get it from eating brains, but I think by now someone would have accidentally gotten kuru if the chicken was people.
:(
I hope the chicken is not people.
Q Should I work on my book next, or finish my painting first? I will be giving zero context on the subject matter of either.
WOW! What a great no context question anonymous reader!
I think you should finish your painting first. I assume when you say “work on my book” you mean you are WRITING one. SWEET. Writing is one of those things that is always happening. As you experience consciousness, your brain is constantly organizing information. This means that WHILE YOU ARE PAINTING you will also be writing. You might go to add a bit of goldenrod to your picture and think “wow goldenrod is a great word, I think I am going to use that in my story!” Sometimes you might be writing and think “oh man I should paint this” but that’s gonna happen way more rarely. SO YOU SHOULD PAINT!
Also send me the picture when you’re done, I wanna see it :D
Q: I recently acquired some kittens, but they stink pretty bad. How soon is too soon to bathe these stinkers?
WOW what a great question anonymous reader!!
OMG KITTIES!!! YES.
I understand you wanna wash em, but they’re still growing. you know what that means? They are using ALL their kitty calories to GROW. This means that it’s a little tricky for em to regulate their body temperature. KINDA LIKE A HUMAN BABY! So, giving a kitten a full bath is a bad idea until they are about 3 months old. Otherwise you might accidentally give em hypothermia!
But you know what their mama would do? She would use her scratchy kitty tongue. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO. Kinda. I bet you have a pretty scratchy washcloth somewhere. If not you can buy one for pretty cheap! USE ONE OF THOSE!
Get it damp and put a little kitty-safe soap on it, and gently scrub your kittens. Just don’t get em too way. Do it like you’re trying to remove some smudge on your kitchen counter. That oughta help em smell better in the mean time! You could also buy some kitten conditioner spray online and give em a spritz or two. Don’t go crazy, they probably won’t be fond of it.
BUT THIS SHOULD HELP UNTIL YOUR KITTY IS GROWN!
SEND PICS!
BUNCHA QUESTIONS
whats your coffee order
do you eat your bagel by the half or like a sandwich?
whats your spirit animal
what book should i read next
WOW what a bunch of great questions anonymous reader!
I assume this is one person because they all came around the same time and are written the same way! YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST WRITTEN THEM ALL IN THE BOX at once. Now my spreadsheet looks way bigger than it should. That’s still cool but as Alejandro Inarratu’s dad says “Success is poison. Have a taste then spit it out.”
Anywho. Here’s YA ANSWERS
I don’t drink coffee! The burnt taste makes me sad. I like herbal teas. Hibiscus is a favorite year round, but I like spiced orange tea in the winter months. Iced strawberry green tea in the summer. YUM
I ate my bagel by the half if I’m just eating the bread cuz it feels like it lasts twice as long. I will eat it like a sandwich if it has meats or peanut butter on it though
I have heard it is cultural appropriate to use the term spirit animal. Have you heard that? I want to be respectful. Maybe we should use “non-Furry fursona?” I have always loved birds cuz I wanted to be a pilot but the ACTUAL answer is a GIBBON. Look at those arms. HE SWINGS SO FAST HEHEHEH
You should read Go, Dog, GO! It has probably been too long since you read it. Then! You should read Leviathan Wakes of the Expanse series. YOU’LL LOVE IT
Good job with trivia harvesting!
MOUSY ASKS
Hello it Mousy again (as in Mouse Mouse the Great, short for my full name Anon E. Mouse. (But not asking anonymously!!!!!!!!)). What is the best way to eat tendies? Like one person said you break off pieces and dip them in your sauce of choice but to me that feels controversial. I grab the whole piece and dip the end in the sauce like a caveman I guess. Is there a wrong way to eat tendies? 🤔 #tendiemaxxing
WOW what a great question Mousy. Did you know someone keeps writing in and spelling ANONYMOUS wrong? They keep saying they are you!! You should probably check your passwords! In case they are trying to STEAL your identity?!
Anyway.
I like to eat a tendie ONE BITE AT A TIME! Ha ha ha!
Just kidding. I like to bite off bits of my chicken as I go. Like you! Caveman technique. But like a Reese’s cup: there’s no wrong way to eat a tender! But the rip and dip procedure is also good. Sometimes you wanna throw your tenders on a bed of salad and THAT’S the way to go Mousy.
Like most things in life, as long as it’s makin you happy and not hurtin anyone else, it’s the right way.
Q: How do I know if I’m cool or weird, and who’s gonna tell me? Why do I wake up at 3am every night? Do you smell that? I am not asking for a friend. I have no friends but people laugh when I talk. Is that good?
WOW what a great question(s), anonymous reader.
YOU’RE COOL AND I WILL TELL YOU.
Guess what? You’re also a little weird. And that’s okay. Being a little weird is good for you. It makes you interesting. Sometimes you’ll be too weird for people and not weird enough for others. All that really matters is: do you like yourself? As long as you do, the rest of it kinda takes care of itself :)
You might wake up at 3AM because you have sleep apnea! You should have a sleep study to find out. This is a condition where you briefly STOP BREATHING when you sleep. You might not come fully back to consciousness but it will disturb your sleep and put A LOT of strain on your heart. You should find out so you can get a CPAP machine to help you get much better sleep. IT WILL HELP YOUR MENTAL FUNCTION!!
Sinbeau says: They could just be a vampire. Or a werewolf. Maybe you are waking up at 3AM because that’s like noon for me?
Maybe! But I don’t think so. They are probably exposing themselves to too much bluelight or caffeine in the evening, but that SLEEP STUDY will help!
I do not smell that, but I do smell my dog. It is rainy today and he was playing in the puddles and now he smells like wet mammal. It isn’t exactly a bad smell but it is not unpleasant.
And yes, it is generally a good thing that people laugh at you! Sometimes they might be making fun of you, but I bet you can tell the difference. And so what if they are? My bro Tyrion Lannister says to use mockery like armour. Then it means they’re loving you. But seriously, in my experience, the people who say “I don’t have friends” have a lot of friends, they are just insecure about how much they mean to people. It’s pretty normal to have anxiety about that! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
You are important to me, so yeah you got a friend :D
Q: RAWWWWWWR XD
Wow…what a great(?) question(??) anonymous reader?
IS THIS AN APRIL FOOL! This is not a question. But it is a pretty fun way to spell ROAR. Haha
RAWR! RAWWWRRR!!
I am a Utahraptor. RAAAWERRRRR!!
Q: u tryna fight?
WOW! What an alarming question, anonymous reader!
I’m not! I’M NOT! I don’t like to fight it makes me—
Sinbeau says: How about I take this one? YEAH! I’m trying to throw down. Did you know I’m a boxer? I have the world heavyweight belt right now you punk. Look out for my Dynamite Punch. I bet you don’t even know the first thing about combat you little-
STOP! STOP THIS! NO FIGHTING THE READERS
Sinbeau says: I’ll FIGHT YOU THEN!
Editor note: Sigh. I’ll get the first aid kit.
Q: f*ck marry kill: himbeau, sinbeau, regular beau
Wow…what a great ALMOST question anonymous reader?
Um. I say…marry ME! heheh. Um…screw…regular beau. and do nothing with sinbeau (I don’t support killing just avoid him)
Sinbeau says: HELL yeah. Fuck and marry ME and kill the other two!!
Editor: You guys…are supposed to do one each. You guys are ruining the game.
Sinbeau says: Well, what’s yours then?
Editor: Sigh. Marry himbeau. Fuck sinbeau. Kill regular beau.
I don’t like this.
Sinbeau says: Okay, kill himbeau then. He sucks. Also regular beau is probably the one you should logically marry. SEX FOR ME!!
I guess I gotta say kill sinbeau then. Ugh. I’m sad. Can we move on?
Q: i think i want to be with a himbeau, but i can’t stop falling for the sinbeaus. HALP. (PS: Sinbeau meet me in DMs this weekend? x)
WOW what a great question anonymous reader!
I-
Sinbeau says: HELL YEAH! LOOKA T ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL HOTTIES WHO WANNA GET WITH ME! I’LL SEE YOU IN THE DMS BABY!!!
….I’m gonna make a rule that you guys can’t talk to sinbeau anymore. Do you see how he’s behaving? This is so gross. Look, I can see that his hedonistic, devil-may-care attitude LOOKS fun but it is SO unhealthy. It will never last.
Sinbeau says: IT CAN LAST ALL NIGHT AND THAT’S LONG ENOUGH NOWHATIMSAYIN
See? Is this really attractive? He isn’t saying anything to support you emotionally. He just wants to live in the moment and TAKE from you. GROSS.
Sinbeau says: NOT true at all. There’s a lot I want to give you and
Ok. You’re cut off. No more sinbeau today. NO! NO!!!!
Editor: For the second time, I have retrieved the first aid kit
AND STAY DOWN!
Sinbeau says: HE’S LYING HE DIDN’T KNOCK ME DOWN!!
Editor: Once again they are fighting. I’m not sure we’re going to get a productive answer to this question. But, dear reader, everyone likes a bad boy, we get it. Danger is arousing. If you’re attracted to that right now, it’s okay. But you know, sometimes the nice himbos can be dangerous too. You just need to give em a little permission, and then you can have the best of both worlds. I think it’s harder to ask the sinbos to be more considerate though. If you can manage to stay logical about your attractions (ha!) this is something you could give a shot. You might be surprised.
Q: How many exclamation points is too many?!!!!!?!!?!?!?!? I want to portray excited vibes, not psycho!!!!!! thanks!!!!!
WOW!! What a great question anonymous reader!
So here’s a quick and dirty guide on the !
In math, the ! is used to calculate factorials. VERY handy for calculating mathematical permutations and probabilities. You should only ever use it once there!
In written English, you never want to use ! in narration and only ONCE EVER in dialogue
In texting, you can use up to TWO (!!) to signify excitement. THREE!!! when you are really REALLY excited. Anything more than that and you start to look a little crazy.
BUT. When you want to be really over the top excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! use like 10+ of those bad boys; then it stops being crazy and a little ironically funny. Only do that like once a month though or….well you might just be crazy.
HOPE THIS HELPS!!!!
WHEW
That’s all for this week. Thanks for all the good questions and sometimes not questions. Sinbeau is beside himself, I hope you are all happy.
I am going to go have some KFC now.
LOVE YOU BYEBYE
1. My coffee order is either Dark Roast with one Sugar in the Raw or Cinnamon Dolce Latte.
2. I eat my bagels with cream cheese by the half, unless it’s one of those cheese covered bagels, then I eat it like a sandwich. In both cases, never toasted.
3. My spirit animal is a tiger.
4. You should read A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles. It’s a beautiful book.
I love these so much.